January 14, 2013
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Xeno - n. the smallest measurable unit of human connection, typically exchanged between passing strangers—a flirtatious glance, a sympathetic nod, a shared laugh about some odd coincidence—moments that are fleeting and random but still contain powerful emotional nutrients that can alleviate the symptoms of feeling alone.
I found a website that has poignant definitions of random words that describe what it’s like to be human. I’ve gotten through a few pages and I think the word xeno is my favorite so far. I like the idea of being able to measure human connection, from strangers to family, and how xeno decreases how alone you feel. I suppose that means the hire the xenos, the more that person makes you feel connected. But, the way it’s measured is still quite vague. Do you have to count how many flirtatious glances, sympathetic nods, or shared laughs you have with someone to get a general idea? And how do those things convert to xenos? Does each gesture make a xeno? Or does it take three or five or twenty? And are certain gestures worth more xenos, like a kiss or hug? What about intimacy? Is there a limit to how many xenos someone can have with someone else? I also think that someone can have negative xenos, too.
It’s strange that I think I have more xenos with the boy that I haven’t spoken to than with the boy that I’ve slept with. When the former is there, I feel less alone than when the latter is and I’m reminded how much I wish I had just gone right home that night. Yesterday, the one I haven’t spoken to was there with his father. I was at the front of the gym doing my obsessive cardiovascular exercises and my friend commented about how he kept looking over in our direction. I’m relieved to know that it’s not my imagination that he looks, but I am sure it’s only because I started it. It’s a retaliation stare, not an interested one. Although, I hope that it’s just as distracting.
With this new xeno measurement, I kind of want to make a chart and assign xenos to people in my life. But first I would have to figure out what human interactions are worth. Maybe I’ll do that after my dentist appointment. It’ll prove to be interesting.
