Well.
It’s going to be ninety some degrees here for the rest of the week and I am feeling the heat in more ways than one. Fall will be here sooner than I can contemplate my plans and I have to take the GRE before I start getting too old to remember anything. I need to find a new job because the list of problems I have with my current one just keeps getting longer and longer the more I sit here. Also, I’d really like to move out of my parents’ house before I get married and have children. I feel like time is running out and I’m having trouble falling asleep at night.
However, I have many distractions from these more serious troubles. I definitely have said before that I go through periods where no one is interested in me and then all of a sudden everyone and their dog wants to get into my pants. And seeing as I just went through a sort of “dry spell,” I’m pretty sure you can guess what is happening to me right now. Too. Many. Boys. It’s like I’m collecting them or something. It’s flattering and frustrating at the same time. Of course, I’ve met most of them through the gym and one of them through a mutual friend who sometimes joins me at the gym. I’m beginning to worry about what the gym has done to my life besides help me get fit. Because this is ridiculous.
Of course, adorable boy knows about these boys who like me, but he still has no inkling that he is the love of my life. The idiot who led me on at the end of May apparently is back and asked adorable boy if he knows how I feel about him. 
No, I am not interested. Thank you.
People can’t just pop in and out of my life. Especially after being so immature about it. I may not be a trophy, but I know I deserve better than someone who tells his brother that I just had too many problems to deal with. I’m tired of games. I forfeit. 
But, there’s a lifeguard at the gym that likes me. I just recently started talking to him. He’s not unattractive, but he’s not adorable boy of course. He’s good friends with a friend of mine, so I get to hear all about how awesome this guy is and how I should give him a chance. 
I don’t even know though. There’s another guy who I met at my friend’s party a few weeks back and we’ve been hanging out at parties since then. He’s nice and funny and smart and I know he also likes me. Of course, I have a few friends who are all for this match as well.
What is this? High school? Why does everyone suddenly have an opinion on my love life?
I think I do prefer blending. Just blend. Inconspicuous brunnette. The attention is definitely self-esteem boosting, but really? Why all at once? And why can’t adorable boy be one of them? It’s like everyone but the one I’m actually really interested in finds me attractive. I must be cursed. Perhaps I walked under one too many ladders or opened up an umbrella in doors. It’s bad luck. 
Maybe I shouldn’t be complaining. A lot of girls would love this kind of attention. I wish they could take it from me.
I can’t do this. I still need to find myself. I don’t need to a find another boy.

I just…don’t know.
When did I become one of those girls who goes through boys like tissues? I’m not supposed to be like this. I consider myself loyal. Even if it is just to a fantasy.
It’s this boy, then this one, then another one. I feel like I jump ship every other day and I don’t even know why. It’s very frustrating.
And I don’t think I want a relationship. Or even sex. I just like the chase. 
I’m thirteen years old apparently.
Maybe this is just a phase. Does everyone have a period in their twenties when they regress to middle school? No?
I just need to focus on something else besides boys.
So. I’ve started going to parties on the weekends. It’s…different. I’m not used to having somewhere to be besides work and the gym. It’s sort of like having a life without actually having one and it can get a little confusing. I am definitely not used to be being invited to various events and asked what I’m doing on the weekends. I’ve been meeting new people and hanging out for hours, drinking or playing various party games with strangers. And it can be fun.
I wonder what my high school and college life would have been like if I had looked the way I do now then. I bet it would have been vastly different. And that just demonstrates how vain our society is. Depressing.

It’s kind of sad that
America is “brave”,
But we’re so afraid.