October 16, 2010

• I like when I don’t care. But, I realize this once it’s too late. After I already care. After I care too much. That’s when I appreciate not caring.I’ve started this ritual of dressing nicely on Fridays. I’m not sure why, but I think I’ve developed a love-hate relationship with the last day of the school week. It’s beginning to be my least favorite day and besides it being the start of a weekend, I don’t have reasons for looking forward to it. It may just be a part of my newly acquired blah existence due to more unknown reasons and maybe when I get over it, I’ll love Fridays again. I want to name my daughter Friday. If there can be a Wednesday, why can’t I use Friday? Friday Lilly. Yeah, I like that. It sounds like a pretty flower that grows on green hillsides when the weather is just comfortable enough to wear a T-shirt and shorts. Lilly Friday wouldn’t work. It sounds more like a holiday than a name and that’s just tacky. Like naming someone Hump Day. Oh wait…
  But, I digress. I know that I’m probably suffering more from self-inflicted troubles than actual problems, but I can’t help but wonder if this has anything to do with the ever decreasing temperature outside. It’s abruptly in the fifties and the constant cover of clouds looks more threatening than shielding. The random rains aren’t warm and when I walk barefoot through puddles, the cool water numbs my toes. 
  I feel cheated. Where is autumn? This mixture of cold and wet is supposed to come with snow in December. October is autumn’s month. October is my month. Winter needs to hibernate a little longer.
  Yesterday, I literally ran out of the meeting. I had to meet a friend and I lost track of time. But, only she said goodbye. I waved over my shoulder as I sprinted through the door — I didn’t want to know if anyone else noticed. The romantic drama that surrounds theater people is better left to those who are required to be in it by major. I’m not part of that equation. I’m happier with my books and essays than the games of flirting. And I’m already half convinced by this lie.
  See? Caring is always my downfall. 

  • 3:13 pm
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