January 7, 2013
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My first sacrifice to write: sleep. It's past my bedtime, but here I am, trying to keep my promises.
Well, first and foremost, I need to get my eating habits under control. I think it's okay to keep track of what one eats on a daily basis without being on a strict diet. However, when it becomes as obsessive as I am with it, counting calories becomes unhealthy. And I know it's unhealthy. So why can't I stop? What's wrong with me? A lot. A lot is wrong with me. I know I have a somewhat negative relationship with food and I know that I don't always make the best choices at meal time. I've been heavy and I've been thin and I understand that it's up to me to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I just go from one extreme to the other. Happy medium. Happy. Medium. I've said this about many things throughout writing in this blog and eating falls into that category. Extremes are never the way to go. Black and white is not the way to view things. Moderation is the key. I just need to practice what I know is good and stop my craziness. Hopefully, I can get on track soon because if I continue like I am this week, I may become invisible by the end of the month. That, or I'll be seeing a therapist.
On a completely unrelated note, I've been thinking about jobs lately. Ironically and maybe embarrassingly, I tend to do a lot of job searching at my current job. I have a lot of down time and I find myself going onto Google and trying to seek out a job that I could actually use my degree doing. The closest I get to using my degree is writing emails to various peoples throughout the day. And even then, I have to use small words because those working in the business I am currently may not even have a high school education. Some do not even understand basic English. But that's another problem. I want to read stories, I want to write papers, I want to do something with literature, I want to get paid more than eight dollars and fifty cents per hour. I did not spend four years at a college and getting my Bachelors degree to be making only a dollar more than minimum wage. I recognize that even having a job at this moment is something to be thankful for, but I can't be too grateful since I feel like my soul slowly dies every time a customer comes in and asks me if I'm planning on going to college. If I was a dog, I would growl. It's very frustrating. And tomorrow, it'll happen all over again. The only thing I look forward to any more is going to the gym. But that is a story for another day.
And I just thoroughly depressed myself by thinking about what a pathetic life I currently have. Here's to another monotonous day.
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