July 13, 2010
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A lot can change in a month's time. It's strange. About a month ago, I was so worried, so out of sorts. I'm never good with choices. Maybe I let the choice control me instead of controlling the choice. I really must start following my own advice.
I believe firmly in fate, though. What is supposed to happen will and what doesn't happen just wasn't meant to be. It took me a few days to process and start eating again, but I accept it. I've always prided myself in rolling with the punches and I knew I would honor your decision, no matter how selfish and hurtful it was. I'm better off without someone like you.
It's too bad you never knew me. Now you'll never know. I used to go through different scenarios in my head about what it would be like to meet you in person, what I would say. But, deep down I have to admit that if that ever happened, I know that it won't happen like I've imagined it.
You once told me that falling in love is the easy part. Being in love is the hard part. I disagreed then and I disagree now. It shouldn't ever be difficult. Complicated, yes. But, being in love means that certain things are a given. Well, just one. You want to be with that person no matter what. And if that is ever brought into question... Maybe love doesn't last forever. Maybe we were never in love to begin with. Or maybe you were too selfish to realize we were supposed to fit together forever until it was too late. I've changed shape since the last time you tried.
I'm not angry. In fact, I'm better than I have been for a very long time. It's strange that usually relationships that begin and continue this way are usually a whole lot of nothing. But, our whole lot of nothing meant a whole lot of something. For me. So, thanks. Thanks for that.
I'm always going to remember. And if you could see me now, then I'm almost finally out of words.
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