August 24, 2010
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Today was a long day. And I didn't once catch myself thinking that I wish she was here.
Quite frankly, I'm not sure anyone anywhere catches themselves thinking that about her. And I'm not sure she understands the small quantity of friends she has. Maybe she'll find someone else. Or maybe she'll actually become independent and likable and selfless and humble and less annoying and truthful. Maybe not having me is the best thing for her and she'll morph into an amazing, perfect human being who everyone will flock towards and worship. But, she won't notice or want the attention because she's humble and shy. And that will make everyone like her more. She'll become hard working and sufficient. Then, she'll meet a wonderful person that she'll share responsibilities with and do favors for without expecting anything in return. They'll carry each other's baggage equally and she won't ever complain about helping out. They'll spend just enough time together, while giving everyone their space. She'll call every once in a while to make sure everything is all right. Her texts will be kind and thoughtful, never full of self pity or complaints. When they hang out, they'll laugh a lot and have tons of inside jokes. But, she'll respect how branching out without her is a good thing. She will understand how some things don't have to be shared and sometimes, things are personal. Listening will become one of her best qualities and good advice will always be presented. She won't be a hypocrite anymore and instead, she'll see her faults and mistakes. By leaving her, she'll become the best version of a human that there ever was and ever will be.
I know that this won't ever happen. And by next month, she'll have found someone new to cling to and she'll have long forgotten me. But, I can hope.
She could never be the one that I want.
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