September 6, 2010
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Autumn is coming. I can feel it after the sun goes down and the temperature drops to sixty. My hands get cold and my hair feels damp against my back.
I may love spring and summer and the happiness of the change from winter to warmth. But, there is something special about fall that no other season has. If fall didn't mean the inevitable coming of winter, it would be my favorite. The colors the trees turn and the comfort of the sweet chill in the air is so unique. I only have fond memories of autumn.
We're approaching the month that you emerged from the background buzz of my life. All of autumn reminds me of you. I can remember the cold rains that seemed never ending and the long nights I spent talking to you on the phone. The early snow made you want to be with me even more. My heart would beat fast whenever I thought of you. The night that you told me that you loved me, I thought my heart would stop. All of it just comes seeping back into my brain, like I just stepped in a puddle left over from those cold rains and the water is slowing saturating my shoe. It's startling. And a little uncomfortable.
Sitting here, I can sort of smell that familiar autumn scent. It's earthy and sweet. I like how in October, you can go outside for five minutes and come back inside smelling like trees. I like looking outside and watching the wind blow, knocking the leaves off into the air where they swirl around past your window to make you blink with surprise. That's sort of how it is with you.
I know autumn is your favorite. And it's ironic that fall means so much in accordance with our relationship. Relationship is a term I use loosely. We're barely even friends. We'll never be anything more. But, this season, I'm going to be thinking about you every times a leaf flies past my apartment room's window. It makes me wonder what your purpose in my life is supposed to be.
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