January 11, 2009
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Eleven days in to the new year and I haven't written yet. Not even once.
It's not like I haven't had any time. I usually am here, browsing the interweb well into the wee hours of the night, with nothing better to do. So why not write a Xanga entry? Well. I guess I just haven't had much to say as of late and I do not want to bore you with unnecessary lists and recordings of nothing of particular interest.
There still isn't anything really floating around in my mind good enough to write an entry on. I just thought I'd post something to keep people from wondering if I've abandoned Xanga. Or died. Not that it would matter much. I don't have many readers.
I've been wanting to dye my hair purple for a few weeks now. And I am not sure why. I just do. My mom doesn't really approve of the idea, but I'm trying to not base all of my decisions on what others think anymore, so I have decided to stop at Rite-Aid in the near future and purchase some purple hair dye. That would be a decent step forward to doing what I want.
The next step of actually following through will be much more difficult I'd wager. We'll see.
Every day since I started talking to him again I've waited for him to initiate some kind of conversation. He hasn't. Of course. I don't know why I have to keep hoping for something that won't ever, ever, ever happen. I always do this. I hate it.
It was better when we weren't talking and I knew better than to expect him to try.
I knew it was asking for too much to even suggest that he cared in the slightest about how I feel. How I've felt. Ever.
And before you jump to any conclusions, I'm not saying that I still love anyone. Him, really. Just him. I just wish we could have skipped all of the inevitable heart break and confusion and craziness and stayed friends.
Okay. Maybe I do still like him. Just a little. But, it's nothing compared to how I feel now. Not even a little.
I like being sure of at least one thing in my life.
Happy New Year.
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